Understanding the Stages of Grief: A Journey Through Loss

30 June 2025

Grief is a universal experience, yet it affects each person differently. Whether it's the loss of a loved one, a breakup, a job, or something deeply personal, grief can feel overwhelming. It comes in waves, sometimes hitting you when you least expect it. But understanding the stages of grief can help you navigate this emotional rollercoaster.

So, what exactly are these stages? And do we all go through them the same way? Let’s break it down together.

The Five Stages of Grief

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the five stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying (1969). While not everyone experiences them in a strict order, these stages provide insight into how we process loss.

Here’s a deep dive into each stage:

1. Denial: "This Can't Be Happening"

Denial is often the brain’s way of protecting us from overwhelming emotions. It’s like an emotional cushion, giving us time to absorb what’s happening.

- Common thoughts and feelings:
- “This isn’t real.”
- “There must be a mistake.”
- “I’ll wake up, and everything will be fine.”

This stage can create a sense of numbness. You might feel detached as if you’re watching your life from the outside. Denial isn’t about refusing reality—it’s about pacing yourself through the pain.

2. Anger: "Why Is This Happening?"

Once reality starts sinking in, emotions can come flooding back—often in the form of anger. You might feel frustrated with yourself, others, or even the person (or situation) that caused the loss.

- Common reactions:
- Blaming others or the situation
- Feeling resentment toward those who aren’t grieving
- Experiencing sudden bursts of irritation

Anger is a natural response to feeling helpless. Even though it can be hard to control, it's an important part of healing. Instead of bottling it up, try expressing it in healthy ways—write in a journal, talk to someone, or exercise.

3. Bargaining: "If Only…"

Bargaining often comes with 'what if’ or 'if only' statements. It’s the stage where we try to make sense of what happened and sometimes attempt to negotiate with fate.

- Common thoughts:
- “If only I had done something differently.”
- “What if I had spent more time with them?”
- “Maybe if I change, things will go back to normal.”

This stage is filled with guilt and regret. People often turn to spirituality, hoping for a miracle deal that might change the past. But deep down, we know life doesn’t work that way.

4. Depression: "This Hurts Too Much"

Reality can hit like a ton of bricks. It’s when the emotional weight of loss settles in, sometimes bringing feelings of deep sadness, loneliness, or emptiness. Unlike anger or bargaining, this stage is quieter—often experienced internally.

- Signs of this stage:
- Feeling withdrawn or not wanting to engage in activities
- Experiencing profound sadness or hopelessness
- Lack of motivation or energy

Depression in grief isn’t the same as clinical depression, but it can still feel incredibly overwhelming. It’s important to remind yourself that feeling sad is part of the grieving process—there's no shame in it. If the sadness becomes unbearable, seeking professional help is always a good option.

5. Acceptance: "I Am Learning to Live With This"

Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re okay with the loss. It means you’ve reached a point where you acknowledge your pain and begin moving forward.

- Signs of acceptance:
- Remembering without feeling consumed by grief
- Finding meaning in life again
- Accepting that healing takes time

This is the stage where we realize that grief doesn’t just go away—it changes shape. Over time, the pain softens, and we learn to carry it differently.

Does Everyone Experience These Stages?

Not necessarily. Grief is not a linear process. Some people skip stages, revisit certain ones, or experience them in a completely different order. And that’s okay.

While Kübler-Ross’s model is widely recognized, grief is personal. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Some people may experience intense grief for a short period, while others carry it for years. Healing happens at its own pace.

Additional Stages of Grief

Over time, experts have expanded on Kübler-Ross’s model. Some theories suggest additional stages, such as:

- Shock and Disbelief – Feeling emotionally frozen when loss first happens
- Guilt – Feeling responsible for the loss, even if it wasn’t in your control
- Reconstruction – Slowly piecing life back together after loss
- Hope – Beginning to rebuild, with the belief that life can hold joy again

These additions highlight that grief is a complex, evolving process rather than a strict set of steps.

How to Cope with Grief

Grieving is unique for everyone, but here are some ways to navigate through it:

1. Allow Yourself to Feel

Suppressing emotions only delays healing. It’s okay to cry, to be angry, or to feel lost. Give yourself space to process emotions naturally.

2. Surround Yourself with Support

Whether it’s family, friends, or a grief support group, having a support system is crucial. Talking about your feelings can help lighten the emotional burden.

3. Take Care of Your Physical Health

Grief isn't just emotional—it affects your body too. Try to eat nutritious meals, get enough sleep, and engage in gentle movement like walking or yoga.

4. Seek Professional Help When Needed

Therapists and grief counselors can provide tools for managing overwhelming emotions. If grief feels unbearable, there’s no shame in seeking professional support.

5. Honor Your Loss in Your Own Way

Some people find comfort in memorializing their loved ones through writing, art, or rituals. Finding a personal way to keep their memory alive can be deeply healing.

Final Thoughts

Grief is complicated, messy, and often unpredictable. But if there’s one thing to remember, it’s this: healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means learning to carry loss differently. With time, support, and patience, the pain becomes more manageable.

And if you're grieving right now, know this—you’re not alone. Healing takes time, but you will find your way forward.